Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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