watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
In America we eat man semen.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
