Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
