i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
