Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
