I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Someone signed my nipple.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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