I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
