the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
