Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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