Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
