I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
