someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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