my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
