I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize