discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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