Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
