I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize