I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
