OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
