I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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