I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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