we're blogging at a bar
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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