that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
