the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
