its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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