I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize