i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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