It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
one two three fourrrrnication!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
