The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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