ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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