I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
babies were throwing up all over the place
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
