Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
