My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
