no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
