Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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