how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
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