New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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