i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
