Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
