I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
