Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
