Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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