Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
