I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
