I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
