Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
