It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
