the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
