dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
