i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
