She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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