so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
