I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
