Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
