Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He passed out mid-signature
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
