She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
