he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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