Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
