mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
