Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
