you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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