i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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