great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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