my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
