hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
