I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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