Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize